SUGGESTED LESSON DEVELOPMENT
Summary
Class will begin with a discussion of Principle 2, that we must refrain from judging others’ receptivity and share the gospel freely. The instructor will introduce this principle by posing a set of rhetorical questions that will help class members consider the extent to which they make judgments about others’ potential interest in the gospel. The instructor will present scriptures and a true member missionary story to further underline that we cannot predict in advance who will be open to a gospel invitation.
The instructor will then present Principle 3, that we need not unnaturally alter a relationship with someone before inviting them to learn about the Church, by sharing a story in which an LDS family experiences disappointment in their efforts to share the gospel. The instructor will discuss the story with the class, identifying that the practice of engaging in time-consuming relationship-building rituals before sharing the gospel with someone is misguided and deceptive. Finally, the instructor will present ways to invite without making offense in keeping with Principle 4 of member missionary work.
Outline
Can we predict in advance who will be interested in the Church? (10 minutes)
Principle 2: We must refrain from judging others’ receptivity and share the gospel freely “without any respect of persons”
We cannot predict in advance who will be interested in the gospel
We can share the gospel with anyone, not just friends (15 minutes)
Principle 3: We need not and should not alter our relationship with someone before making a gospel invitation
Misconception: We must invest large amounts of time and energy building close friendships with people before we can share the gospel with them
How to invite without offending (10 minutes)
Principle 4: Be straightforward and sincere
“Decouple” invitation from relationship
Open doors in everyday conversations
Instructor’s Objectives
Help class members expand their view of whom they can share the gospel with by teaching Principles 2 and 3 of member missionary work.
Teach class ways to invite without offending by teaching Principle 4 of member missionary work.
Preparation and Materials
Read Alma 16:14, Matthew 7:1 and I Samuel 16:7; assign class members in advance to read these scriptures during the lesson.
Reflect on and prepare to share any personal experiences that illustrate the points in the lesson.
Consult list of concerns from Lesson 1 and determine which concerns relate to and are resolved by Principles 5-7; touch upon them at appropriate points in the lesson.
Arrange for a room with a chalkboard; have chalk/eraser on hand.
LESSON
1. Can we predict in advance who will be interested in the Church?
Member missionary work is a common topic of sacrament meeting talks, conference addresses, firesides, “after dinner messages” from the full-time missionaries and of Sunday School classes such as this.
Pose the following rhetorical questions to the class:
Question 1: How many of you in these situations have mentally scanned through a list of people you are acquainted with who are not LDS and gone through some sort of a selection process, deciding who you would or would not talk to about the gospel, or who would or would not be interested?
Question 2: What were your selection criteria/how did you make these judgments?
Allow class members to reflect for a moment and proceed with the following question:
For those you thought you might not approach, did your thoughts follow a pattern somewhat like this:
‘This person is…’
too affluent
too comfortable
too involved in another church
too intellectual
too worldly
dependent on alcohol, smoking or drugs
too excessive in lifestyle choices
too…(judgment left blank) an unspoken judgment that reveals not only our biases about who could be a “good Mormon,” but some of our own personal prejudices about people and whom we esteem to be of worth.
Allow class members to comment or discuss any feelings about these questions.
While in the end we may not be incorrect in some of our judgments about others’ potential interest, we have been counseled to refrain from judgment and share the gospel freely with all people, allowing them to decide for themselves if they are interested in accepting a gospel invitation. When we determine that someone would not be interested and consequently do not approach them about the gospel, we undermine their ability to exercise their own free agency, having in essence made the decision for them.
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Principle 2: We must refrain from judging others’ receptivity and share the gospel freely “without any respect of persons” |
Have a class member read aloud one or more of the following scriptures about refraining from judgment:
Alma 16:14 And as many as would hear their words, unto them they did impart the word of God, without any respect of persons, continually (Speaking of Alma and Amulek).
Matt 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged (Christ’s Sermon on the Mount).
1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart (Speaking of Samuel recognizing the Lord’s anointed David among Jesse’s sons).
Most people who have been active member missionaries or have served full-time missions would likely say that in looking back on the people who accepted and rejected their invitations to learn about the gospel, they simply were unable to predict in advance who would actually accept their message.
Ask class members to consider if this has been true of their experience. Allow brief comments if any.
Have a class member read the following true story related by Elder Clayton Christensen to illustrate the above points. Preface the story by explaining that Elder Christensen had prayerfully selected a date by which he would find someone for the missionaries to teach.
Alternatively, share a personal experience that illustrates similar points or paraphrase the story for the class.
…One year my date was January 31. I had invited many people in the preceding months and had no luck, and now it was January 22. I had to make a business trip to Hawaii on that day, and I had prayed that I would be able to sit next to someone on the plane whom I might invite to hear the missionary discussions, since it would be such a long flight. I was extremely disappointed when the man who sat next to me was clearly a playboy—a man wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt, unbuttoned to his sternum with all this curly black chest hair billowing out, and several gold chains around his neck. I introduced myself to him, and learned that every January he took a month off of his work as a stonemason to go to Hawaii and meet girls. I quickly concluded that there was no way he would be interested in the gospel, and so I busied myself in some work—feeling quite resentful that with so little time left, God had not helped me meet someone to introduce to the missionaries.
A while later, however, my seatmate asked if I had ever been to Hawaii before. I responded that actually had lived in Laie for two months in a language training school prior to serving as a Mormon missionary in Korea. Immediately the man’s demeanor changed. “You’re a Mormon?”
“Yes, I am,” I responded. “Why do you ask?”
He then said that he was not a religious man, but that a curiosity about the Mormons had been building inside for some time. He then asked me to tell him about our church. I simply went through the articles of faith, bearing my testimony after my explanation of each one. A wonderful spirit descended on us, and for four hours we had a warm, memorable discussion. At its conclusion I asked if I could send missionaries to his home when he returned, and he said he very much wanted to meet with them and learn more. Several times during the remainder of the flight, he interrupted my work to thank me for telling him what I knew was true.
Historically, people of all types, backgrounds and circumstances have been receptive to the gospel message. As Nephi reminds us in the Book of Mormon, Christ “inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God” (2 Nephi 26:33). We as members must carefully avoid judging people as to whether they might be receptive to the gospel. We must speak about our faith in an honest and open way with many, many people. The more we do so, the more likely we are to intersect with someone who will respond to the truth.
2. We can share the gospel with anyone, not just friends
A common phrase that members use in referring to their missionary efforts is ‘We’re working with so-and-so.’ What people often mean in “working with” someone is that they’re trying to become closer friends with them—with the hope that someday they will be close enough that they can then invite them to learn about the gospel.
Generate a brief discussion about what might be problematic about this idea—that we should somehow alter our relationship with someone as a precondition to asking them to learn about the gospel.
Have a class member read the following true story to illustrate the misconception that we need to become friends with someone before inviting them to learn about the Church (told by a member of the Boston Stake at a recent missionary fireside).
Alternatively, share a personal experience that illustrates similar points or paraphrase the story for the class.
In the ward we lived in prior to moving to Boston, we were blessed to have wonderful, aggressive missionaries. To help us do our duty as members, they visited our home and asked us to make a chart — which listed people we knew down the left column, and then asked us to plan steps we would take each person through, culminating in our inviting them to take the missionary discussions. These steps included taking some goodies to them; going out with them socially to an athletic, dramatic, or musical activity; inviting them over to dinner; going out with them again; and so on—culminating six weeks later in an invitation to hear the discussions.
We diligently filled the chart out, selecting those people we knew who we thought might have an interest in the church, and started marching these people through all the steps. It was exhausting. I was horribly busy in my schoolwork; and my wife spent inordinate time cooking and baking. We were having people to dinner twice each week. Since the more gracious of these people generally reciprocated our invitations with ones of their own, we ended up with a very heavy social calendar indeed.
The top people on our list were Ken and Jane Spencer. They looked Mormon—were very clean living—and had known Mormons while growing up. Ken and I knew each other because we had the same scholarship to the university. We invited them to see a play with us, and the next week we invited them to dinner. The following week we invited them to go boating with us. Two weeks later they invited us to a concert at the university. We then asked them to come to a sacrament meeting where we had been assigned to speak, and to come to our home for dinner afterward. After dinner we gave Ken and Jane a copy of the Book of Mormon, and asked if they’d like to know more about the church.
Ken awkwardly accepted the book, but declined our invitation to learn more. “We’re Episcopalian, and are really enjoying our church.” We felt awkward, and after a bit of small talk, the Spencers had to leave. Later that night, feeling tired and like failures, we set our sights on the next people on that list on the refrigerator door.
In the ensuing weeks, with all we had to do, we never invited the Spencers to do anything else. We heard later through mutual friends that the Spencers had felt a bit misled and betrayed—that the reason for our rather sudden and intense displays of friendship was not because we were interested in them as friends, but because we wanted them to become Mormons. The whole experience left us with a bad feeling as well.
Ask the class the following question:
Why did this intensive missionary effort end in such a negative way?
After taking responses from the class, revisit the earlier discussion about the phrase “We are working with so-and-so” by asking the following question:
What is problematic about the notion that you must prepare a person or family through a long sequence of friendship-building rituals, before inviting them to learn about the gospel?
Instructor and class members may make some of the following points:
It is exhausting.
It is deceptive—not exactly the way to introduce honest people to the truth.
It is impossible. If the principle that we can’t predict in advance who might be interested is true, then this mode of missionary work means you’ve got to become friends with everybody before you can invite them to learn about the gospel.
There is no need to artificially or deceitfully change the natural level of our relationship with another person before asking them to learn about the Church.
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Principle 3: We need not and should not alter our relationship with someone before making a gospel invitation |
We should build whatever relationships with others that we naturally would have with them. We should be close friends with people with whom we have a natural basis for friendship. And we should be neighbors, work associates, and casual acquaintances with others for whom these constitute the natural basis for relationship.
Draw the following diagram on the blackboard to illustrate this concept:
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Friend |
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Work Associate |
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Neighbor |
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Acquaintance |
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Stranger |
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We can launch an invitation to learn about the gospel from any one of these platforms. We should only attempt to elevate a relationship to another level if there is a natural basis for it. Otherwise, in a way consistent with the second principle of member missionary work, we should invite all of these people to learn about the Church.
To conclude this discussion, have a class member read the following excerpt from a conference address by Elder M. Russell Ballard, in which he explains how to create a ‘gospel-sharing home.’
Creating a gospel-sharing home does not mean that we are going to have to dedicate large amounts of time to meeting and cultivating friends with whom to share the gospel. These friends will come naturally into our lives, and if we are open about our membership in the Church from the very beginning, we can easily bring gospel discussions into the relationship with very little risk of being misunderstood. Friends and acquaintances will accept that this is part of who we are, and they will feel free to ask questions.
A gospel-sharing home is not defined by whether or not people join the Church as a result of our contact with them. Our opportunity and responsibility are to care, to share, to testify, to invite, and then to allow individuals to decide for themselves. We are blessed when we have invited them to consider the Restoration, regardless of the outcome. At the very least, we have a rewarding relationship with someone from another faith, and we can continue to enjoy their friendship (“Creating a Gospel-Sharing Home,” Ensign, May 2006, 84).
3. How to invite people in ways that do not offend
I. Be straightforward and sincere
Ask the class the following question:
What sort of invitation, when declined, creates offense? And how could you invite someone, and even if they decline, have it create a warm and grateful response?
The answer is that our invitations run the risk of creating offense if we approach people in an evasive way. If we are straightforward and sincere, and if the people we are inviting feel our love for them, and God’s love for them emanating through us when we’re inviting, then they will be touched and grateful, never offended – even when they say no.
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Principle 4: We must be honest, straightforward and sincere in making invitations to learn about the gospel |
Have a class member read the following statement by Elder Ballard:
Some members say, “I’m afraid to share the gospel because I might offend someone.” Experience has shown that people are not offended when the sharing is motivated by the spirit of love and concern. How could anyone be offended when we say something like this: “I love the way my church helps me” and then add whatever the Spirit directs. It’s when we appear only to be fulfilling an assignment and we fail to express real interest and love that we offend others. (“The Essential Role of Member Missionary Work,” Ensign, May 2003, 37).
Allow comments/reactions from class members, if any.
II. “Decouple” relationship from invitation
Another way to extend a gospel invitation without offending is to explicitly decouple
whatever relationship you have with a person from your invitation – saying something like, “Jack, we’ve been neighbors for a long time. I’m going to ask you a question, but before I do, I want you to know that your answer won’t in any way affect how I feel. So here goes my question. I’m a Mormon, as you know, and you know how much my church means to me. At some point I’d like to sit down with you, if you’re interested, and describe who we are and what I have valued from my membership.”
Allow comments/reactions from class members, if any.
III. Open doors
A technique that enables us to tactfully allow another person to signal their interest in the Church is to “open doors” by using “Mormon words” in everyday conversations. If we freely refer to things like BYU, our mission, our children’s church activities, or our church callings – things that signal our affiliation with the Church – it “opens the door” to a conversation about the Church. Most people we talk with who hear these words will simply choose not to walk through the door – and that’s fine. But every once in awhile we’ll use a Mormon word and the listener will say, “So are you a Mormon?” When that happens, it gives us a chance to respond with something like, “Yes, I am. It’s really a great church. Do you know much about us?”
In the ensuing discussion, we can then open the next door. “If at some point you had any interest in learning a bit about what makes Mormons tick, I’d love to have you come to our home to talk about it.” Most people won’t walk through that door, and that’s fine – it’s their choice. But every once in awhile someone will walk through and we’ll have the exciting opportunity to share more with them.
Allow comments/reactions from class members, if any.
Conclude lesson by pointing out what common concerns have been addressed by this lesson (taken from the discussion in the first lesson) and bearing testimony of what has been taught.